Hell
by ellie C
Summary: What if buffy really had gone to hell?
1. chapter 1Through 6

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me all props go to Joss Whedon.  
  
Rating: pg-13  
  
Hey this is my first and I really don't understand how this works so if you could help me Please tell me what else to add up here.  
  
I can't see, breath, I'm trapped, what do I do. Help Please. I keep trying to  
  
get out, I can't what's going on why is this happening Please help. Oh god  
  
Angel, Willow, Xander, Anya, Riley, Giles, anybody PLEASEEEEEEEE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Buffy woke up with a start. She looked around not sure what she was hoping to find, but finally settling her eyes on the picture of her Mom. She couldn't understand why she still had these dreams. Everyone kept saying she should be over them since it had been 2 weeks since it all happened. But somehow she couldn't get over it she just............................ God she didn't know what to do anymore. She walked around playing the part of the perfect child and the perfect Buffy happy,........... care free. What a joke. Behind closed doors she heard them, heard their doupts, their fears, but the scariest was hearing them say that she had gone to hell. She had gone to hell she knew that but couldn't grasp it, shouldn't she have gone to Heaven what with all the times she'd save the world. But no she hadn't. She could remember the smell, the dimness, and most of all the death. Even if she had already been dead what happened in there .......... Death was the only word for it. As she heard her door open and saw a beam of light she snapped out of it, back to being happy, perky Buffy. Just Great.  
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"Angel..."  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"It's Willow"  
  
"Oh..... so what's up?"  
  
" Well it's just that Buffy, she's back." Silence  
  
"Angel, we brought her back, I did a spell and now she's back but...."  
  
" But what?"  
  
" Angel something is wrong. With Buffy I mean. She. I don't. She pretends to be happy but she's not."  
  
" You want me to come."  
  
" Yes. I mean we don't know what to do anymore we can't help her and I think that you are the only person who can and I know that you have a life but she needs............."  
  
" I'll be there tomorrow."  
  
Willow hung up with relief, he was coming, he was going to help Buffy. Finally maybe she'd become herself again.  
  
I jump in and I feel the energy surge through me.  
  
It hurts so much, and then nothing.  
  
Finally pain, Searing through my entire body, pulling away at my soul.  
  
Buffy wakes up screaming, she finds herself in the cold arms of someone. She didn't even bother to question who it was. All she knew was that she felt safe and if she felt safe she could sleep. So she just let it be and fell into slumber, in the arms of the unknown.  
  
"What happened?" Willow looked worried as she spoke to Angel.  
  
" Nothing, she woke up screaming and didn't even ask what I was doing there."  
  
"Is she asleep now?"  
  
" Yup, it took her a little while but she finally did fall asleep."  
  
Angel sat there silently trying to figure out what Buffy had dreamed about. He had come into the house to find that Willow was the only one up. As they had sat talking he had thought he had heard a noise and had gone upstairs. As he past Buffy's room he had heard her whimpering and had gone in to check on her. He had found her tossing and turning with sweat on her forehead. He didn't know what had traumatized her so much but it scared him.  
  
Buffy woke up the next morning with butterflies in her stomach. She thought she could remember someone coming into her room last night but couldn't remember clearly. As she walked down the stairs she heard voices, a man's voice and a girl's voice. She walked into the kitchen to find Angel sitting at the table with Willow. She stood there, hoping this wasn't a dream.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Um......hi." Buffy stood there feeling out of place. Out of place in her own home. "What are you doing here?" Angel paused. He knew that he shouldn't tell her he had come only because of Willow's call. "I heard you were back.............I needed to see you." Her face seemed to soften and she relaxed. Giving a little nod she sat down. "Well I'll leave you two alone." Willow stood and left the room. An awkward silence filling the room. "How are you? How is L.A." "It's fine. But I didn't come here to talk about me. How are you doing. I know that when I came back it was hard. How are you handling coming back from..." "DON'T.........sorry. I, I.....need to g.. get dressed." With that she got up and ran out. Wondering what had just happened Angel slowly stood up and went upstairs. Walking past Buffy's room he went directly to Dawn's door. He needed answers, he needed to know what was going on and how she had been dealing. It was obvious that he wasn't going to get any from her so he needed another plan. Knocking on the door he thought about what to ask. What to find out without crossing the line that would get Buffy mad  
  
I can't face him! I can't look into his beautiful face, already so filled with pain and tell him that I went to hell. I remember how hard it was when he came back and how much I felt like crawling under the covers and never coming back. I know that he will understand but................................he shouldn't have to. Life is so unfair. Maybe after a shower it'll be better. Maybe everything will seem better and maybe....just maybe I'll be able to go downstairs. YA RIGHT. Slipping off my pj's I look in the mirror. I look wasted. The kind of wasted you get when you haven't eaten in god knows how long and you sleep so fitfully, that you fear the night. I wonder if he still loves me. Can he still look at me and think of that girl I used to be, proud of my body of her body. That was before. Before they defiled it. Before they took away the last of my innocence. Hell thought that if it took away the last thing I had, my body, then I would brake. Hell was right. If he knew all this he wouldn't be here. That's why he can't know, THEY can't know how terrible it was. But if he stays he will know and I can't let that happen. Unable to look at my body any longer, I slip some clothes on. The shower will have to wait. I hope that he's not downstairs.  
  
"Oh hey Buffy!" Xander tries to act all cheery, but it's obvious he is just as uncomfortable as the rest of them. "Hey Xand." I make my way to the refrigerator. Opening it I see that we are absolutely out of food. Not a problem for me since, well every time I eat something it won't stay down. But definitely a problem for all the other occupants of this house. Not to mention that Angel needs some blood. Shutting the door before I think of what else we need I quickly sit down. "So Buff what's up. How does it feel having Dead Boy here?" I shoot him a glare. How dare he make a joke. How dare he make the day seem less terrible than it really is. Ah who am I kiddin, it feels nice to have some humor. "Nothing's up. I need to go shopping, we are totally out of food." "No worries. Willow just left to do exactly that. And anyways you probably have lots of catching up with your honey." Nodding I stand and make my way upstairs. I knock on Dawn's door and open it before I hear a reply. I find Angel sitting on my little sister's bed and I get the distinct impression that I interrupted something. Oh well It's my house.  
  
"What are you guys talkin' about?" Angel shot Dawn a warning look which Buffy, thankfully, missed.  
"Nothing, I was just asking Angel about his little sister. Wait is she still a little sister if like when she died she looked like 40 years older then you? Ah now I'm gonna wonder about it all day." Angel gave here a little smile, happy to hear the famous Summer's babble. Standing he motioned for Buffy to follow him out. Once in the hallway they just stood there, not sure of what to say Angel starting listening to the sounds of the old house. He could distinctly here Dawn's heartbeat as well as the sounds of her cleaning her room. Next he focused on the slightly muffled sound of Xander, downstairs. His heart beat was slower. More even then Dawn. Once done with that he focused on the sounds of the house. The creeking of the old boards as the wind blew. And then it hit him. Oh my god he couldn't hear anything besides Dawn and Xander's heartbeats. He couldn't here Buffy's!  
"Oh my god! BUFFY."  
  
Buffy stood there awkwardly, in the middle of the hallway. Angel seemed to be deep in thought. Tapping her foot slightly she looked around, taking in the old boards and the flowered wall paper. And then Angel seemed to tense.  
  
"Oh my god! BUFFY." She looked at him and then behind her trying to see what he had yelled about. She jumped when she felt him grab her rist and check for a pulse. As his nail seemed to dig in to her flesh she tried to pull away. It didn't work, he seemed to be having a breakdown. He went stock still and then dropped her rist shaking his head.  
"No they wouldn't, they only do that if......oh god, they wouldn't....." he kept on muttering, seemingly unable to comprehend something.  
"Angel? What's wrong, you're scaring me, what's going on." Her voiced edged on panick. He had never acted this way, never. Quickly she grabbed her rist trying to tell what he could. She couldn't feel anything, why was he so scared, there isn't anything there, not even a bump noth..................... NONONONONONONONONONONONONO. They hadn't. It had been a dream. They said only if she didn't tell them. She gave a little scream and then covered her mouth. Snapping out of it she backed away from him. Calling out to her he reached with his hand. "No stay away from me." With that, she took off. Down the stairs, out the front door, flying down the street  
  
I could hear my feat hitting ht cold gravel underneath me. I could hear my breathing, which I had just learned was not necessary. I could hear my blood rushing through my veins. But most of all I could hear the thoughts racing through my head, and I wanted nothing more than to push them away. I NEEDED them to stop, because if they didn't, then I wouldn't be responsible for what I did. I ran and ran, never looking back, just knowing that if I stopped, he would catch up and then he would know, if he didn't already believe it. For some reason songs started running through my head The truth is you could slit my throat And with my last gasping breath I would apologize for bleeding on your  
Shirt. I had heard that song when I was a teenager. I hadn't thought about it for a very long time. Not since my parents had gotten a divorce. So why did I think of it now? Now, when I was not running for my life but for my sanity. Running to keep the one thing I still had when everything had been stolen from me. I'll tell you why. It's because when you know that your life is ending you tend to think of things that once mattered. How do I know this? Well I did die once. What a laugh, I didn't just die. When someone dies they are supposed to find happiness, not a world filled with fire and torture. But hey, who's complaining. All this time I had still been running. I found myself at the city limits and I stopped. Stupid move. I just stood there and that's when the thoughts bombarded. I could hear the rustling of the leaves and I could here the bugs in the earth. But I couldn't hear my heart pumping or my blood rushing anymore. Do you want to know why? Well I'll tell you. In hell they have this punishment. It's rather a gift compared to everything. Anyway, if you are rebellious enough they threaten you with your chance at humanity. They tell you that's it is possible for you to be sent back to earth, but they threaten that by telling you that they will really kill you, turning you into a demon. I guess they were interrupted when Willow brought me back. How could I have not noticed, god how could I have not noticed.  
"Buffy!" She whipped around.  
"No Angel, don't. You have to stay away from me. You don't know what I am." Tears shown in her eyes, in his eyes as well when he spoke.  
"You don't think I KNOW! You don't think they threatened me as well. God Buffy. I was there too. I went through the same thing. That doesn't mean that I understand what you are going through but cut me some SLACK. I know! I know the pain that you feel at night, I know the nightmares that plague your sleep. I know all of it because I went through the same thing. You were there when I needed you, let me be there for you when you need me. Let me help you through this." He was begging, desperately needing her to let him help. She stood there not moving, and finally she lifted her hand towards him. She lifted her hand and tried to reach for him. Maybe she could still be helped.  
  
She was asleep, that was a good thing. Her chest still rose up and down, out of habit, he  
  
supposed. After she had reached for him he had brought her to the mansion. He knew that  
  
she would never have agreed to go to the house. At first she had refused to go to sleep, he  
  
knew what she was afraid of but he also knew that if she didn't get her sleep, then she  
  
would never be able to think things straight. His thoughts were interrupted when she  
  
whimpered and he looked down at her.  
  
Her face was scrunched up and she seemed to be in pain. Her arms were held  
  
protectively in front of her chest. He couldn't imagine what she was dreaming of. He of  
  
course knew the tortures in hell, but he also knew that since she was a girl it must have  
  
been completely different. He knew what demons were like when it came to human  
  
women. As much as it mad the anger rise in him, he had to face that they must have done  
  
some sexual things to her. Again he was interrupted by her whimper. Louder this time  
  
and she was now fighting against an invisible force. He tried to gently pull her into his  
  
arms but she threw a punch in his direction, forcing him to step back. Again he tried to  
  
pull her to him, but this time holding her arms away from her. She tried to pull away but  
  
he wouldn't let her and she finally relaxed against him. Comforted by the soft musky  
  
cologne he always wore. 


	2. Chapter 7

PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK. THIS IS A SHORT CHAPTER BECAUSE I NEED FEEDBACK.  
  
I can hear him speak to me. He wants me to sleep. I thought that that was what I had been doing. Why should I sleep some more? He was holding something and god did it smell good. He's bringing it closer and I can't wait until it is close enough for me to grab. It takes forever for it to get to me and once it is I look down at it. It is red, why is it red. No I don't want this. Why is he giving me blood? Pushing it away I scramble to the other side. He's coming closer and wants me to drink the blood. I faintly hear him tell me that it is what I need but I don't want it. Somewhere along the way he gives up because I'm left alone again. My stomach hurts and I'm hungry, I want something. I can't take the pain so I fall into a dreamless sleep.  
  
She doesn't realize that the only way to make the aching in her stomach go away, is to drink blood. She wont take it and I can't force her. I finally leave her alone and take the blood back to the kitchenette. The only escape for her being sleep, she has forced herself to rest. Taking her into my arms I make sure that I don't wake her up. I don't think that she is a vampire, if she was I would be able to make her face change. But I haven't seen her eat and the ach she seems to be feeling is what a vampire would feel without blood. So the only thing to do is to make her drink. Lifting her head I gently pour the blood down her throat. She moves restlessly in my arms and I still, trying to make sure not to wake her. I'm supposed to call the gang once I know what Buffy needs and how to make her come back home. Easier said than figured out. 


	3. Chapter 8

I'm glad that at least ONE person reviewed. Come on you guys. I really need the feed back.  
  
I've been able to make her drink half the mug of blood. After that she started to wake up and I didn't want the first thing she sees being me forcing her to drink. Once her eyes open, she takes in our positions and jumps back. She had been lying on top of me, my arms around her. She looks at me hard, trying to figure something out. Finally, she speaks. "My stomach isn't hurting as much. Why isn't my stomach hurting as much?" Her head is cocked to the side, listening to her own body. This time I speak, answering her question with another. "Does it still hurt a little?" She nods and I know that this is the best time to make her drink. She is not hysterical but still under the influence of the hunger. "Blood will make the pain go away Buffy." She shakes her head, stepping back. "I know it isn't the most reassuring thing to think about but it's the only way." "Does this mean they turned me into a vampire?" I shake my head and move towards her. "No. But they did turn you into something else. The only way I can think of stopping the hunger is blood. This doesn't mean you're a monster Buffy." She is still unsure and it breaks my unbeating heart to see so much confusion and sadness on her face. She speaks again, more quietly this time. "I don't want to." "I know, baby, I know." Yet I still take the mug that was on the table and I lift it to her lips. She hesitates, then, opens her mouth the slightest bit. I let her take little sips as she adjusts to the taste. The mug is soon empty and she seems disappointed. "I'm going to go get you some more." She nods but keeps her eyes glued to the floor, ashamed I suppose."  
  
I drank blood. I drank blood. I DRANK BLOOD. The thought is enough to make me heave and I'm afraid that I'm going to throw up. That makes me feel even sicker because that would mean that I drank the blood for no reason. I can't help but admit that the blood had tasted good. What is wrong with me? Once I had started drinking I hadn't been able to stop and I was so relieved when Angel said that he would get me some more. I am a monster. His bed looks so inviting. I wonder if I could just lay there for a second. Not sleep, because he isn't next to me and if he isn't next to me then I can't let myself sleep. Just lie there. I took too long to decide and now Angel is back. I don't dare ask him. What if he were to become angry, maybe he'll want me to sleep. No I'm fine right where I am. He hands me a mug filled with more blood and I take it. I'm about to drink when I notice him staring at me. He mumbles an apology and then turns. I'm done with the blood in three gulps. I'm a monster. "I'm done." It's a whisper and I flinch, expecting him to tell me to speak louder. He doesn't and I remind myself I'm not in Hell. He won't yell. He's coming closer to me and he soon takes my hand. We sit on the bed together and I know that a talk is coming. Sure enough. "Tell me what happened?" I shake my head and pull away my hand. "Please. Let me help." Nonononononono. Maybe. No. Nonononono. I can't. But he's Angel. No. Maybe. NONONNONOONONOONO.  
  
Will she tell him what happened? Who knows. Feedback people.H 


	4. Chapter 9

If I tell he might get angry. What if this is all a big trick and he turns into some monster and hurts me. I don't want him to hurt me. What if he doesn't understand? He says he will but.........but what? Haven't I always been able to talk to him? No. This, I can't tell him, it'll only hurt him. That's right, it will only hurt him. "I'm sorry." I immediately cover my head, expecting the first blow. It doesn't come. "Buffy, you're ok. I'm not going to hit you. We'll talk about this when you're more ready." I try to relax but it's hard. He gently takes a hold of me and rocks me. He feels so comforting.  
  
She's scared of me. She covered her head after telling me that she didn't want to tell me. She has these moments where she looks at me as if I will hurt her. As if I would hit her because I'm not happy with her answer. She is still stuck in hell. Her mind still thinks that she is there and that she hasn't been taken out. As if I would ever hurt or her. I don't know if I should but I hold her, rocking her. Her eyes start to droop and I can't believe that she is sleeping so much. She must have not slept at all before I came. I wonder if the rest of the group noticed. Probably not. After making sure that she is safely asleep, I lay her onto her back. Grabbing my cell phone I call Buffy's house. "Hello?" "Hi. It's Angel." "Is Buffy ok, when is she coming home?" "Dawn, Buffy is ok. I'm not sure when she's coming home. I just called to let you know that I'm going to be staying with her for a while, here at the mansion." "Oh. Ok." "Bye Dawn" I hang up and move back to the bedroom. Ready to take care of Buffy again.  
  
YOU GUYS I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO WITH THIS STORY. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME IDEAS. 


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